Now, before I get messages about how grateful I should be that I get this time with my children, please note: I am eternally grateful to my husband for providing for us to allow us to have this dynamic. I really am.
That said, even the most precious children and patient parent will feel a surge of insanity. It may start slow, dislodging another Lego from your foot after calmly asking him to pick them up...once, twice....seven times. Folding laundry down the hall only to come into the kitchen with both children on the counter, rummaging through the refrigerator like two famished, ferrell racoons. Finally making it to the end of the day of cooking, cleaning, playing, wiping, washing, folding, sanitizing, driving, waiting, carpooling, balancing, shopping, sweeping, and repeating...I try to eek in a few minutes of me-time. This may mean a guilty-pleasure episode of "Orange is the New Black" or a 1/2 hour of yoga.
Admittedly, the two options are on opposite ends of the relaxation spectrum. However, this leads me to my point. If those few moments of personal sanity are interrupted by yet one more, "Mommy, I'm hungry, and thirsty, and I can't sleep, and..." followed by said freshly bathed, fed, brushed, read-to, sang-to child wandering out of the confines of the bed with freshly washed and line-hung, sunshine-dried sheets, I have been known to lose my $h!^. A bit. How to keep it together when the train is derailing:
1. Breathe
2. Breathe more (this is also a good time to pause the lesbian sex-scene playing in 'Orange'
3. Close your eyes and have an out-of-body experience. What do you look like right now? What will you look like when/if you haul off on the target in question (spouse, child, co-worker, boss, etc)? What do you want to look like instead?
4. Picture, envision the reaction you want to have and what you want that to look like.
5. Take a deep breathe from your belly up to your chest and out again (three-part breath for those yogis out there). Breathe in love, breathe out frustration. Breathe in gratefulness for this being and this life lesson, breathe out the negative energy choking you out.
6. Rise, and play out the scene you envisioned for yourself. (Personal hint: I always pretend someone is watching. Not sure if that means angels, guides, gods, or God, or Self...but it helps).
It's not easy. Staying home isn't easy. Working isn't easy. But if we can find joy, passion, gratefulness, self-worth, fulfillment in what ever we do, we are on the right path.
“We either make ourselves miserable or we make ourselves stronger. The amount of work is the same.” ~ Carlos Castaneda
So hard to stop and collect your thoughts, breathe and analyze in that split second when pure frustration and anger wants to boil out of you. Very important to do though. How would I want them to act when something frustrates them. We are the models they learn from.
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